Yes, its that magical time of year again when my kids ask me everyday if today is Christmas. I know that there are people who love this time of year but it really is exhausting for me. No matter how much I shop, I always feel like I have forgotten someone. With every day that goes by I lose a little bit of my soul and my Christmas cheer. I use to look forward to this time with excitement and glee. Now I dread the fact that the holiday season is just around the corner. I have 2 birthdays to celebrate and then of course the birth of our savior. Its not easy to include birthdays into the holiday festivities. This year I hope to hold on to my cheer a little longer and I also hope to recapture some of my soul. Its not the holiday or the kids that kills but the commercialism and the fact that once Halloween is here they are cramming Christmas down my throat. I really use to get annoyed with the "Celebrate the Reason for the Season" commercial, but now I get it. Its not the gifts, the tree, the 2nd Turkey dinner in 30 days but its the celebration of the birth of the lord and the celebration of family and friends.




So my chirstmas wish for this year is that we all remember why we celebrate and take a few things off of our busy list and enjoy some silent nights and some peace on earth

This week has been full of sadness and happiness all rolled into one.  Almost a week ago my maternal grandmother passed away after suffering a stroke several months ago.  She was the last grandmother I had living and its been a difficult time.  I am dealing with the fact that when I was born all of my grandparents and all of my great grandparents where alive.  In fact when I graduated high school they were still here.  I hate that my children can not say the same.  My oldest son was the last one born with all his great grandparents alive and that was in 1991.  As you get older its not so much your mortality that you have to deal with but the people around you.  I remember my aunts and uncles still being in high school and now they are getting up there in age.  Its scary thinking one day they might not be here.  I have a large family and with it comes loads of love but also loads of people to lose.  I look forward to this weekend when we will put my grandmother in her final resting place as I know once again my family will gather together go give love and support to each other.  I also look forward because I want to make sure to take as many pictures for my children so that no matter what happens there will be pictures of family to remind them of who and where we come from.

****To Madear****

I love you and miss you. I was proud to come from such a strong stock of women.  You gave me hope that my life could continue on as I watched you go to work up until you were hospitalized.  I owe you a great thanks for raising such a wonderful women who would later become my mother.  You will always be remembered and loved for all of you strenght and wisdom.

Love

                                                       Jayde

I almost forgot the happy new, my son Shonn is coming to visit and although its for a sad reason any reason for him to come makes me Smile.

So what, who cares?

Its been so long since I have written a blog I almost forgot I had one.  I have been unbelievable busy the last month or so and it shows on my face. 

Its been an exciting time here in our house as my daughter has become interested in many colleges and we have so far taken two very interesting trips.  We embarked on colleges in our city and she decided to look into two colleges that are complete opposites.  First we went to open house at Rhodes College, I have to say it was beautiful.  Not sure if its the correct fit for her she is a bit of a free spirit but the level of excitement from the current students was refreshing.  Next we went for a visit of Memphis College of Art, I loved the fact that the students were all so free and easy going.  It is two different ends of the spectrum but I believe that she will keep her eye out and find the correct fit for her.

I decided to jump on an opportunity and will be working from home full time starting October 20th.  It has been a long road of hoop jumping but it has been worth it.  I had traing for 4 weeks and it was very intense and very informative but mostly very ehausting.  I look forward to this new opportunity and have every intention of given it my full effort.

Our house has gone through some major changes, we have spent the last few weeks training our kids to be a little more independent and a lot more quiet.  I will have to work in a quiet environment and the children have to learn how to depend on each other while I am working.  Its going to take at least a few weeks to get it perfected but I have faith that it will all work out. 

More importantly I have given up my effort for a perfectly clean house.  It has been told to me in no uncertain terms that this perfection takes a group effort and since our group is mostly made up of little kids and sleeping husband its just not a reality.  I have decided that our children will be responsible for their rooms and will help with other rooms so they learn how to clean.  I had to take over the play room since they never could keep it clean and I was in need of an office.  I have my office in the den closet and they are allowed to pay in the den when I am not working but they are required to pick up their mess or they lose play time in that room.  My husband is now helping out alot more when he is home since he realized that an angry, grumpy, sleep deprived wife is no fun.  My teen is a work in progress, but I ask a lot of her in the way of babysitting so I give her a small break on the cleaning, but she does have a list of things for her to handle on a weekly basis. 

Without the added pressure of trying to be perfect I am starting to feel a lot better and actually sitting down and having a serious conversation with my hubby about how we can help each other was much needed and will continue to be a weekly thing.  We are using as much technology to help us keep in touch with each other and be able to discuss issues as they come up. 

For me the last and most important issue was time management.  I have evernote, dropbox, cozi, and Jing to help us keep in touch as a family.  With evernote and dropbox no matter where I am I am able to work on school work and pass budgets and important web pages to my hubby.  Cozi helps keep us all on a calendar that I can set up at one central spot and send out to all that are participating including my mother.  Jing is my favorite since it helped me keep notes in school without actually writing or typing.  I just click and save the images on my computer and its done.  Best of all I save it all on my dropbox which leaves space on my computer and lets me access it from my phone, ipad, laptop, and desktop.  So I hope to go back to blogging on a regular basis but with so much on my plate I guess I will have to see how things go.

Looking forward to bigger and better things.

Jayde

Count down to the begining

I recently decided to add WAHM to my title.  I have opted to join a company that will allow me to work from home for real companies and still be here for my kids.  In the my joy, I forgot how much training would be involved.  I have added a 4hr class to my list of daily chores and another few hours of homework everyday.  For a lady who could not get it together before now its imperative that I get my act together.  My goal is to continue with schooling ( I have assignments due tomorrow), and with everyones schedule.  So far the week and a half as not been good or bad, just really really busy.  I have decided to look for as much advice as possible and now am working towards finding a balance between work, home and school.  I had to enlist my husband and my daughter (16) to pick up a few more chores.  Its going to be a work in progress for a while and I have even put the little kids to work.  Now its more of a family affair to take care of the house and I thinks its how it should have been.  I do not know how this will all turn out but I look forward to this wild new adventure.





Please Sir may I have another?

So the hubby and I had a talk in regards to expanding the family this past weekend.  It was more of a causal talk that turned into a true revelation.  Our family will grow no more, entrance is harder then getting a BLACK America Express card. 

I always knew this day would come, but I also thought I would be the one slamming the door.  To my surprise and apparently my husbands I am still open to adding to our little group.  The question is WHY?  My kids drive me crazy on a daily....hourly.......almost constant basis.  I have the worst time management skills of all the people with large families that I know (I know about 20).  My house is a mess and could never truly be 100% clean (I think it might be a scientific fact).  I am right now hiding in a bathroom so as not to be interrupted and I work in a closet just for the quiet.  So again I ask WHY do I still feel the need to add more.  There is also my age, I am no spring chicken and my prime is now in my rear view mirror.  My oldest son will be 20 and by baby is 1 and in between there are so many numbers (yes, I remember how old they all are). 

 Let me say that I in no way want to be pregnant again, that ship has not only sailed, it was burned and sank to the bottom of the possible idea ocean. 

In a word its just a feeling really.  I know that somehow, someway I am not finished (when I told my husband he just rolled his eyes).  I feel that there is space here for someone else maybe even two.  Its a scary feeling, its like asking for a cup of gasoline to add to the flames of an already burning house. 

I did toss our the notion of adding to our family via adoption and without missing a beat he let me know that since he had a vasectomy he was officially done and there was no way he wanted anymore.  It was a devastating and hard thing to hear, but I guess I just have to keep the faith that either the feelings will subside or a way will be provided. 


So he put his foot down and for now I will listen, but if for some reason we get an opportunity to add to our family then I will surely jump at the chance.  Here is to HOPE.

Family Disconnected

I have been wondering how everyone deals with their families and their extended families.  I recently had a discussion with a friend in regards to our families to be more specific my in laws.  She was curious to know who the relationship went so wrong so fast.  I am not sure that I really have an answer for that but I know that it had a lot to do with misunderstanding, misjudgement and just plain old stubborn behavior on both sides. 

I was told that if you love a person then you have to deal with their family and you have to love their family as your own no matter what.  I don't feel that way, why should I have to sit across the table from someone who I cant stand or who cant stand me.  It seems to me that if my husband really loved me he would not force me to spend time with people who have nothing nice to say about me and who have little or no respect for our relationship.

After that talk my husband and I decided that we would not force each other to deal with people who cause stress on our relationship or who we do not feel are good people to be around our children.  What we learned from our bad times with his family is that our relationship should come first and that its not fair to force the other person to deal with a bad situation just because they are family. 

I do not require my husband to come with me to every family event but he comes because he is OK with my family.  Fortunately for me we no longer live close to his family but he assures me that I would not have to attend family functions. 

I also learned that I can not fix issues that really don't have anything to do with me and a persons past can dictate their future in some area.  So no more bad holiday dinners for me and no more fake family moments just to show how much I love my hubby.  I think this might have been the best gift he gave me since the kids.  I know it seems harsh, but with all the things that went on I feel that just putting our family immediate family first is the best choice that we could have made, but I am still sad that things went so wrong and I do hope that one day things will get better. 

Lets hope that time can heal some wounds.

It comes and goes

This is my second week of actually keeping with my Flylady plan.  I have been able to get up and get dressed from head to toe each day.  I have been able to keep the kitchen clean all day, even with the kids home from school.  I did have a very difficult time keeping it clean with the hubby home over the weekend but I got back on track Monday morning.  Its been a nice change of pace and it has actually leaked over into the rest of my life.  My house is a little cleaner now because I decluttered and I have less to do to keep it clean.  I have also enlisted all the children to help in some form or fashion.  I have allowed the den/playroom to be cleaned only 2 times a day because it where the kid play and I don't spend  a lot of time in there. 

I have to admit that I did not think it was gonna work but I have been making a lot of progress and I am actually very proud of myself.  Well on to another week and another task, I am looking forward to seeing what's next.