I am a happily married mother of five going on six kids. I have a husband who works 5 days a week and goes to school full time. I too go to school, but I also take care of the kids and run the house on a daily basis. It has come to my attention that even days that he is off I am the primary care giver to our children. Do not get me wrong he does help with little things, like dropping kids off at school, and he now helps with giving baths since it is hard for me to bend over now. I have been a single parent before when I had my first child and it was hard, but I had the help of my mother. It is not that he is not capable of doing things; he just does not do them. Old school parents who believe that a man has his job and a woman has hers raised him. My mother on the other hand primarily raised me and I believe that it should be an equal thing when it comes to kids.
My husband and I go to be at the same hour, but I get up several hours before he does, to cook and clean and deal with the kids. He gets up eats, and then goes to work out or goes to do his homework. I do not have that luxury; I have to get up before the kids do just to take a shower by myself. I often find myself wondering how in the world I have allowed this to go on for so long. You would think that I would have noticed this after the first few kids’ right, well I did but I just let it be and now I really have no supporting arguments. Therefore, I have put myself in this position and here is where I will continue to be. I have 2 kids who can take care of themselves, but my 3 youngest are a real handful and I just wish I could get him to understand it’s not easy to do it all alone. He does see me struggle and always tells me that I do too much, but if I did not do it who would. With baby #6 on the way, I know that I will be up late at night and early in the morning because there will be no help from my husband and he will not lose any sleep over this. Does this make him a bad person, nope, but it does make me an idiot for allowing it to go on for so long and not being able to change it.
In the larger picture I am grateful for my husband he does love me and the children and even if he is not really helpful around the house or with the kids I should be happy that he is here and makes the money. I have chosen to take it all in stride and hope for the best as each child gets older I will hopefully get more free time (right). I wish that I could just explain my need for help for the 100th time and he would get it but I have decided it is not worth it and I guess I will get some sleep in about what 7 - 10 years from now. In addition, just think he wants me to get a full time job on top of all of this and still be able to take care of everyone and the house and go to school. I think I will go back to work and then hire a house cleaner and a nanny to give me a hand since I am not getting one from him.
That is my gripe for the week and I hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Recently I was watching a show that stated that women make their own workload; they were talking about stay at home moms. Is it true do we creates hectic schedule so that people will feel sorry for us or do we actually have busy days?
I have to admit that a lot of times there are moments in my day when I do get to sit down and enjoy a moment or two too myself and although they are few and far between it does happen. In a typical day, I do cook, clean, and take care of the children and that does take a lot of time but I believe that I do actually have more time then I admit to my husband and myself. For the next few weeks I am really going to re-evaluate how much time I spend doing each chore and how much time I spend alone. Sleeping, eating and schoolwork will not count as free time, but time on the computer and time watching TV will. I know that with three little girls' home all day I am very busy at times and I know that I also have down time when the youngest one is napping and the oldest one is at school.
Does this mean that my day is not hectic? Does this mean that I do not actually do as much as I think I do? Not sure of the answer right now, but I know that this little experiment might help me learn that I can do things more efficient or that I can do them differently. Therefore, as of Monday I will seriously look at my daily schedule to see when I am the busiest and what things I can move around to help me produce a more productive day.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Well its been a while since I last posted and I have to say not much has changed. We have been in our usually mode of chaos and craziness. I have been getting great checkups with my doctor my only issue is I have to gain some weight (never heard that before), only 3 pounds but its important for me and the baby. Our little boy is getting closer to being part of our loving little family here I am just a week away from the third trimester. We are about to celebrate yet another birthday on Saturday, our Laila will be 4 and she is ready for her birthday to get her. She asked when her birthday was the other day and I said "its right around the corner", note to self don't say that to a 3 year old because she was looking around corners for days. The weather is getting nicer the days are getting longer and its getting close to that wonderful thing called spring break here for us, and then of course summer vacation. I will be trying to post more often as soon as I find a rhythm with my homework and my house work and I have to admit still not having a laptop is not cool. I look forward to the day I can order my mac book and my life will be good again. Well back to the grind, gotta get ready to pick up Lily from preschool and head to the health fair at the kids school.