Monday, May 31, 2010

Today I spent several hours with my son at the hospital and it was wonderful. In the back of my mind I was thinking about my girls and how much I have been away from them. It's be hard to try and jugle my life at the hospital and at home. This week coming up is going to be very stressful, it's graduation we for my preschooler and my senior (fingers crossed). My husband and I know we just won't be able to see him much this week due to scheduling conflicts. It's going to be difficult and I am not sure if this will be my breaking point. Our son is making slow and steady progress and we hope he will be home soon, but until then we remain stressed, blessed and obsessed with keeping our lives together our family together and our faith in the lord that all will soon be right.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Two weeks of relaxation

After our son was born, the instructions from the doctor were as follows.

  1. Increase your daily water intake.
  2. Keep a list of foods daily to monitor your calorie intake.
  3. Sleep as much as possible
  4. Do not lift anything more that 20lbs.
  5. Sit with legs elevated as much as possible.
  6. Take it easy for the next 14 days, no housework, no stressful activates.

Well I would love to say that I followed all the instructions to the letter, but I wasn't even close. I have tried to watch the amount of calories I intake because I am making breast milk and it takes a lot to produce and maintain my body. I have significantly increased my water so much that I think you could hear the ocean if you listened to my belly button. Sleeping is out because I am pumping every 2-3 hours and it's hard to get quality sleep that way. Lifting my toddler doesn't count on the not lifting things that weight more than 20lbs right, I mean how else would she get to bed, out of bed, on the changing table and off the changing table. Sitting with my legs elevated was necessary, because I would swell on a daily basis if I was on my feet for too long, which I was just about every day for the first week. The no housework rule went out the window on day two and I haven't slowed down much on that one because well I like to be able to see my floor.

The sad part about all this is that my husband is currently on medical leave due to the sudden arrival of our baby and I still could not find a way to really take it easy or relax. I am the mother so I guess that makes me the first line of defense when the kids want or need something. We could both be on the sofa and the kids will come to me and my hubby won't hear them make a request. It was somewhat annoying to have him always ask why are you up or why can't you relax, I finally had to tell him that it's not in my nature and that he needed to be more diligent if he wanted to keep me on the couch. Well thank goodness my 14 days are almost over because all this relaxing and rest is driving me crazy. I guess I should have tried harder to take advantage, but as I mentioned before it's just not in my nature and really isn't possible when you have 5 kids at home and a husband who really doesn't know what it takes to keep the house running each day. Well back to resting, I have some homemade cinnamon buns to put in the oven.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Update on Logan

This week was a good week for our son.  He is no longer on oxygen and they are no longer monitoring his O2 level and he is nippling.  We had a chance to try breastfeeding on Friday and although he did latch on like a champ he only drank for a few minutes.  Its was very satisfying to have him no matter how short it was.  He still has a feeding tube but is on no IV fluids and he has gained weight and is over the 4lbs mark.  We are looking forward to more progress as each day approaches and as always can not wait until he comes home. 

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Another great visit

We had another visit with L4 yesterday and it was short but sweet. We only got to spend about an hour and a half with him but it was great because we got to hold him almost the entire time. L4 is doing very well, he has all his IV's removed and is only taking breast milk right now. He has gained weight and is now above the 4lb mark. Soon we will be able to try to nipple or nurse him once the doctor gives the all clear. He still is on oxygen, but it's very low and he has a feeding tube until he starts to show more interest in nipple feeds. The prognosis is good for our little man to be home in a few weeks. We won't be able to see him until Friday, but I hope that it is another visit filled with good news and good feelings. I am so grateful to the wonderful nursing staff at the hospital where he is staying, they make me feel confident that when I leave he is well taken care of and that helps me sleep at night. Praying for a speedy recovery.

The waiting game

Our son was born just over a week ago and our lives have been turned upside down. It is a different chaos from when you bring your child home from the hospital. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions and I feel like the ride is never going to end. He was two months early and that scared me, he is only 3lbs and that also scares me.

It doesn’t feel like I gave birth, because he is not here for me to hold and cuddle. It’s not easy to get up for pumping as it would be if I were nursing a baby. I feel a little hollow right now, because I got a new baby, but not all the joy that comes with a new baby. It’s a strange feeling to know that my child is over an hour away from me and I can only see him every other day. It’s been hard to explain to my small children that L4 is staying at the hospital because he is sick and needs extra care that mommy & Daddy cannot give him.

I look at his picture everyday and feel a big hole in my heart. I feel like it might be hard for me to bond to my newest child because I am missing so much of his days. It seems silly because he won’t remember not being in my arms, but I will. My husband and I are trying to be there for each other, but it’s difficult because now money is tight, we have had very little sleep and we are stressed with all the driving and just trying to be there for all of our children. I have hope that my precious little man will come home soon and we will be able to take care of him and put all of this behind us. I dream of him every night and cannot wait to add him to our already crazy life. It’s not the easiest road I have ever taken, but I am glad to take this journey if at the end I get to meet my little man and hold him in my arms.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Welcome to our newest member

During the first week of my new babies life things have been very crazy.  Logan R. Norman was born on Monday and transferred to a hospital over an hour away.  It has been very difficult for myself and my husband to travel there each day not just because of money but because of our other obligation. 

Our youngest children still need us to be here for them and that has been the hardest thing to handle.  I am trying to be in two places at once and its just not working.  The recommendation from the doctors is for me to rest and take it easy for 2 weeks.  Not really something that I can do while running back and forth to the hospital and trying to keep life normal for the little ones who are at home. 

My teens have not been the best help during this trying time and that has added to my stress.  Money is a major issue right now because my husband is not working in order to help me keep the house running and being able to transport me to the hospital.  My stress level needs to stay low in order for me to keep up my ability to produce milk. 

Trying to keep a store of milk for my little man is a lot of work as many of you know.  Its not easy to build up a supply while your baby is so far away.  I am working on pumping every 2 hours but it just seems to be impossible to stay on a schedule.  I know that its only been a few days and I hope that things settle down a little in the days to come.  My biggest happiness is that my son is OK and has very few issues and I hope that it remains that way.  I also am grateful for my health at this time, now all I need is some way to keep my sanity until they baby comes home and then of course I will lose it again. 

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Our dear sweet baby boy has arrived. He is 2 months early and doing as well as can be expected and holding his own. He willbw in the NICU for a while and that means a lo of car time for mommy and daddy. He is a handsome little fellow who came into the works on his own terms.
Logan Ray was 3lbs 14 oz at birth and 21 inches long. We look for his health to continue to improve and can't wait until we can bring him home.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The ungraduated son

This is one of the hardest blogs for me to write, but I feel if I get if off my chest I can have some peace.  I am the mother of an 18 year old boy who might not graduate.  Now I know that its not the end of the world because he can go to an alternative school and graduate or even go on line and repeat the 12 grade.  It would have been nice to know that my son is going to walk with the rest of the students in his class and it brings me shame and embarrassment to know that my son has not worked to his fullest potential and has basically wasted his time and our money during this last year. 

My son was to attend college in the summer, and play football for a local city college and that dream is now out of reach.  I have spend this entire year reminding him that only he can pass the 12th grade.  I am usually a person who would yell and scream and demand that he does his homework and so on and so forth.  This time I took a different approach because my son is a lot like me and does not respond well to threats.  He has had every opportunity to get his needed credits, everyone has bent over backwards forwards and sideways for him, but he just doesn't seem to care.  So I have decided to let him fail and see how he pulls his butt out of the fire.  I am in no way looking for a last second miracle to happen in this case I have conceded to the fact that I will not have a graduate this year and if and when he graduates it will be on his own terms. 

Since he was a child school has never been his favorite thing and he has always had difficulty.  He has ADD but we have been dealing with that and I feel it has gotten better.  I pray that everyone else would understand that at some point his future needs to be in his own hands and letting him fall on his face is they decision that I have made.  In the next 20 days school will be over and no he will not be the only kid in our town, not to graduate, but I wish that it was different.  I really wish that I was going to be in the stadium and would hear them announce my son as a graduate of 2010.  My next child is due to graduate in 2012 and I hope it will be an easier road with her then it was with him.  I love my son and wish him the best of luck and most of all I hope to see him find his way in the world and learn from his mistakes.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day Pride

Happy Mother's day to all current, past and future mother.  This mother's day I was given the gift of sleep by my oldest DD, she did a wonderful thing by letting her old mom sleep in.  She also made homemade biscuits and gravy while watching the children so I am really impressed. 

On this day I look back at all the wonderful things that my mother did for me.  I am not now and have never been a perfect daughter and so I give a special thanks to my mother for putting up with all of my issues and crap.  My mother was a single mom with two kids to care for and one of them was sick.  It was not easy for her to work a full time job with an every changing schedule and still be a full time mom and dad to both me and my little brother.  She was almost always there and even when she wasn't she made sure that we knew it was because she had no other chose.  I applaud my mom for her teaching me that nothing is perfect, nothing is easy and nothing is promised.  I look at my children and hope that they know there is nothing I would not do for them.  I have one person in my life who has never let me down and that is my mother.  I would give anything to be half the parent that she is and was.  As this mother's day goes on, I will continue to think of the wonderful and imaginative way that she parented and the confidence that she gave me to just be me.  I look forward to many more mother's day with my own children.  So to my mother, my grandmothers, and my great grandmothers I say thank you and I love you for each of you has influenced me in some special way and without you I wouldn't be who I am today.

I love my Mom

Sunday, May 2, 2010

So close, yet so far

A note to my son at 29 weeks

Dear little boy, you and I have been on this journey for a few months now and I have to tell you that I am very excited to see us getting closer and closer to the end.  I know that we still have a long way to go before we get to meet face to face but its getting really exciting now.  I have had dreams about you and all night I wonder what you are going to look like (more like me we hope).  Its been an interesting time with your big sister making me reevaluate my decision to have another child on an almost hourly basis.  You and I spend plenty of time together now, but what will it be like once you are here.  Are you going to like the house filled with people, will you be able to go down for a nap in the middle of all this insanity.  Are you going to be like L1 and jump at every noise or are you going to be like L2 & L3 who could sleep through anything. 

There are so many question that I have about you and for you and I look forward to discovering the answers with you.  My major concern right now is a name for you, we are still having issues in that area and I am on the losing time this time.  I hope that your father and I can come together and give you a name that fits you. 

As we continue our journey please note that yes, its always this loud in our house, yes there are a lot of people living here and yes you will be loved by all of them.  There are many sleepless night ahead for us to discuss the rest of the matters but for now we are on this ride together and I want you to know that no matter what I am very happy to be with you.  I look forward to welcoming you into the world, the only thing I ask is that you make it a quick and painless process for your old mother. SMILE

Love and Kisses from your mommy

Why is marriage a crime

When did being married become a sin? Why do all my single friend act as if I have given up my freedom. It's true that I can no longer go out at the drop of a hat, but I have a family. When did it become a crime to want a family and to actually enjoy it? I am no longer on speed dial for many of my single friends and I am ok with that. You come to a point when you realize your friendships have changed and again, I am ok with that. I love the few nights out that I have with my girlfriends and hope that we can continue as friends, I just want them to respect my life choices as I have respect for theirs. Single ladies, cut us some slack, it our friendships that ground us and keep us sane.  One day you to could be in the same boat as us and you will want us to be there for you.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

A Rose by any other name

Dealing with powdery fungus on my roses this season, plus aphids is really driving me nuts. I hope that in the next few weeks to have my beautiful roses back. Here's to gardening with success.

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