Back and Forth

Here we are again on the same drama as always, should I go back to work?  I have been having a crisis for about a week now, I received a call for the Sheriff's office about a job I applied for over a year ago.  They want to do a background check on me and hopefully offer me a position as a dispatcher.

 Problem is that I am not sure I want the job right now.  I just had Logan a few months ago and him being premature its still like he is a new born.  We currently only have one car and although my DH and I would work in the same town its doubtful it would be the same shift.  Public transportation her is horrible and I would  have to leave super early and still get a ride home no matter what shift I have.  My kids would need a babysitter who can get them to school everyday and who could handle my 2year old  and newborn at home all day.  My one daughter only has school half a day and so they would have to pick her up in the middle of the day and then go back for the second child.  My teen dd will be playing tennis again this year which means loads of practice and she really wont be able to help much at the house.  My son will be away at college so he wont be able to help at all.  My DH is not great with the girls on his own, but he swearers that he would be able to watch them once he got off work and would be able to help around the house.

 I think its all just to confusing to deal with right now and I just want to lock myself in a closet.  I know that we need the money and I know that jobs are hard to come by, but honestly I feel like I would better serve my family at home.  Our house is a nut house already and dealing with chores on a daily basis is difficult when I am home all day.  Laundry, cleaning, cooking and the kids is a full time job and I just now got to where I can handle them all and not go crazy, adding an 8 hour shift would almost kill me.  I know that if I accept this job the amount of work for me will double at home and my husband will really not be much help because he is not much help now.  Also while at my job interview my DH was offered a chance to work a second job, something we had recently discussed him looking for.  He and I had just decided that I would be a SAHM and he would work two jobs until we paid off some of our big bills.  He has decided to try for the second job just in case I don't get the job and even if I do he will keep it.  This means longer hours for our babysitter.

I also have school and would have to find a way to fit all that in also.  The biggest issue is breastfeeding and cloth diapering would have to stop because no one else will use the cloth diapers but me and my dd and I would not be able to pump every 2 hours while at work so my milk would eventually become less.  I have a laundry list of reasons why not to take the job and only a few reasons to take the job.  I would love to get out of the house daily, I would love to help out my family financially and I would love to be able to purchase a vehicle for the family.  Its just so difficult, but I guess in the end its not up to me.  I will be handing in my background paper work Monday and it will take several weeks my papers to come in so I guess until then I just wait to see if I am going to be working this winter or if I will still be a stay at home mom.

Wow, this was a really long vent and I am glad that I have a place to get it out instead of just looking crazy or crying uncontrollable like I have been doing for the past few days.  Life is never easy and always has so many decisions that if you make the wrong choice you think about for ever.  I don't want to make the wrong choice and hurt my family and that is why I am so conflicted, either way I choose its going to impact everyone and in different ways.

Sticky and Sweet

This evenings treat was good old fashion smores.  And let me tell you when 3 little girls hear that you are making them a dessert with chocolate, marshmallow, and graham crackers they get a little excited.  I let each girl build their own, everything but roasting the mellow. It turns out that 2 out of 3 enjoyed the entire treat but one did not care for the taste of roasted marshmallows.  The only complaint I have is the clean up of sticky little fingers and faces.  My older kids quickly joined into the fun and now a full bag of marshmallows and 3 large candy bars later we are all satisfied with our treats and have decided the once a month should be our official smores night.  We love them any time of the year not special occasion needed, just because is always a good reason.

After such a sweet night, I am really looking forward to tomorrow and the baked potato bar for lunch that my 15 year old and I doing.  I can just taste the bacon, cheese and sour cream.

I am entering a contest for a S’mores prize pack as a member of the Mom Bloggers Club.






Jayde

The Great Escape

In the last 48 hours our 2 year old daughter has learned to open the doors and leave the house.  She has now done this 2 times and the last time was the scariest.  Our doors are not where we can see them easily and surprising  our 2 year is very quiet when she wants to be.  The first day she went outside and since she did not have shoes on and it was 100 degrees she quickly came back inside, because her feet were burning.  Today the weather was a little nicer and she let herself out and went into the street.  A very nice man saw her and quickly got her out of the street and to us safely.  It was a very scary moment to realize that she was not in her room as we had assumed, but outside of our house and could have been seriously harmed or even taken.

The big question was why had she decided to leave the house, it turns out that she was trying to follow her big sister.  She tried to cross the street and get to the church yard where her sister and her friends hang out everyday.  We now have childproof handles on the front door and the kids know from now on to leave out of the side door.  You can hear our side door opening from every room in our house. 

I know that I can not watch her 24/7 and she is a quick little booger, but it would kill me if any harm came to her so I hope this is the end of her outdoor adventures and I pray that we do not go through this when our son reaches 2.  Tonight as she sleeps my husband and I are just happy that she is safe in her bed, in her room, and yes I have checked a few times just to be sure.

A New Leaf

gdiapers are now the full time diaper system at my house.  It took me a few days to get a stash of diapers together and delivered to the house, but I feel it was worth the effort.  I started my look on the gdiaper website and quickly realized that that amount would not fly with my DH who had no use for cloth diapers and feels they are backwards to use now with all the options available.  So I went to eBay and started looking at their prices, not the best I have seen, but I did get the firs half of my stash for $50.00 which included 6 diapers, 12 liners & one full package of liners.  I soon joined a gdiaper yahoo group and learned about diaper swappers, and the gdiaper groups on Baby center & Cafe Mom.  I joined all theses groups and became attached to my iPhone and laptop constantly monitoring boards and my emails for responses.  I also joined @gdiapers on twitter and gdiapers on facebook.  My  second purchase was actually from Facebook gdiaper page and I got 2 diapers for $12.00.  My next few purchase were exclusively from diaper swappers and I have to say I love the way it worked out for us I spend less then $200 on 12 diapers, 20 liners, a package of disposable inserts, 6 gcloths and 30 reusable wipes.  It was kind of fun to set a goal and stick to it for once.  I have a starter pack of diapers and I know that when its time for him to move up to the next size I can resale most if not all of them.  Now if you are in a better financial situation then we currently are I would suggest purchasing the diaper new either on the gdiaper website or several other store like Babies R Us and even Amazon has them and a auto refill option.

I learned that there are tons of people who cloth diapers and there are so many different types that it can be very overwhelming. I had decided to cloth diaper before he was born, but was not sure what system would work best for me.  I decided on gdiaprs because I can use the disposables inserts when my husband changes him, and during the day I can use the gcloths or even prefolds (thanks to many suggestions on each board).  I also learned that I don't have to wash as much because I am not washing the liner each time, I just switch out the liner if it gets soiled.  I am on day 3 of this adventure and I will disclose that at night we still use sposies because I still have some and DH stated we are not letting them go to waste so until he grows out of them or we use them all its our night time routine.  So far my 14 year old DD is the only other person to use the diapers and she said it was easy and had no issue using them.

 I will continue to keep you updated on the use of gdiaper and if the system continues to work for us as his diet changes and if we should experience any leaks or blowouts.  I will admit that I did a lot of research on the gdiaper website and on YouTube, I watch tons of videos on how to use them, suggestions on how to make them work better, and even on how to make them.  Cloth diapering is a commitment that I have made with this child and I hope that I will be able to continue the entire time he is in diapers. 

**A few helpful hints**

Coupons are your friend if you decide or are able to purchase new.

Sign up for the gdiaper newsletter they will let you know when items are on sale in their online store and when new items are being released.

Consignment shops and Craigslist for local purchases work better for those in a large city.  I live in a small town so no luck for me but several ladies on different board have found great deals there.

Just a part of my gdiaper stash

Logan's Birth Story

***Disclaimer, this is a birth story and trust me I left the really gross stuff out but left it real.***

On May the 14th I was 7 months pregnant and feeling a little under the weather.  My husband begged me to go to the hospital and I said no.

On May the 15th I was still feeling bad and again my husband asked me to go to the hospital again I said no, but I promised if I was not feeling better the next day that I would go.

On May the 16th I was still not feeling well and for once I actually listened to my husband and against my better judgement I went to the hospital.

I was not bleeding and I was not having contractions, but I had a strange discharge and I was felling, well the best I can put it is, strange.  I went in to the hospital thinking I will make my husband feel better and I will be vindicated when they say that I am just tired and nothing is wrong. 

They decided after a few test that I was just dehydrated and decided to pump me full of fluid and to give me a broad spectrum antibiotic because they thought I had an infection.  It took them several time to find an I.V. because I was so dehydrated and it was actually nice to be able to lay down with all those people fussing over me.  The did a vaginal exam and stated that all was fine, I was not dilated.  Shortly after my exam I started having contractions and they got a little worried but quickly gave me medication to get them under control, over the next few hours I had two doses of the medication and my contraction finally stopped and they sent me home with the promise that I would keep drinking water and that I would see my doctor if I felt ill again.  This was around 11:00 p.m, we live about a half hour away from the hospital my husband took me to that day and had been gone most of the day so I was glad to get home and get into my bed.

Around 3:15 I was awoken by a very bad dream and a strange pain, I of course thought it was just Braxton Hicks.  After a few minutes of these strange pains I realized two things, it was contractions and they were getting really close.  I woke up my husband and told him call him mother to come stay with the kids and to get dressed because I needed to go to the ER.  He jumped into action and in no time we were on our way.  I had a serious of 7 contractions on route to the hospital, this time we went to the closer one which was only 15 minutes away. 

Once we arrived I knew things were bad because when I got out of the car I was bleeding.  I walked into the ER and was wheeled back immediately once they got me in the room to change everyone realized I was bleeding heavily and that things were not alright.  I let the nurses know that I wasn't due for 2 more months and they let me know that this baby was coming right now.  They were in the process of shaving, catheterizing and prepping me for an emergency C section when they noticed that my son was crowning.  As the doctor walked into the room he saw the situation and immediately sprang into action.  I pushed two times and out came my son, along with the placenta which as you might know is not a good thing.  Somehow my placenta had detached and that was the cause of my premature labor.  In less then 5 minutes my son was born, 3lbs 15oz and rushed to the nursery to help stabilize him and help him breath. 

I say my son for a few minutes before he was prepped and readied to head to the NICU of a different hospital 1 hour away from me.  It broke my heart when they brought him in my room in an incubator, but I was relieved that so many people were working so hard to take care of him.  The nurse practitioner assured me that they would do there best and that they would call me once he arrived and was settled.

Logan was given surfactant to help strengthen his lungs and was only on the ventilator for a few hours.  He was on oxygen for a while, but his levels were very low.  Our beautiful baby boy spent  a little over 3 weeks in the NICU and came home a whooping 5lbs.  It was one of the strangest deliveries for me and since the was #6 it was not what I expected at all. 

I learned a few things from all of this.
1. I am not as strong as I thought I was, but I am stronger then I care to admit. (crazy I know)
2. Babies are so strong and such fighters.
3. My husband is my rock and I need him, even when I don't think I do.
4. When you don't feel "normal" or "right" go to the doctor because it could be something serious.
5. NICU nurses are awesome and I am blessed for the wonderful angels that helped our family.

In the end I got my son,he is home and I got out of being 9 months pregnant during the hot summer in the California heat.  Now I am just waiting for the next crazy adventure with my family

Diapers, Diapers, and more diapers

The past few weeks we have been using disposable diapers since Logan came home and I always knew during this pregnancy that I wanted to use cloth.  I actually have a little stash started.  The only thing I don have is diaper covers so I spend the last few days looking for the best covers.  It turns out after much research that I want to give gdiapers a try.  The seem to be the best for me because I don't want to have to do a lot of extra laundry and although I will be using the washable inserts instead of the disposable it will be more convenient for me.  I have seen both the pros and cons and feel like I at least want to try them for a few weeks to make up my own mind.  I spend several house on the gdiapers website and I would of course love to have the newborn package, but right now the price is just to high for us.   Currently I am looking on eBay to get a few covers to start and if I like it then I will invest more money, right now I am hoping to win a 2 pack on twitter via  Wonder & Wander.

I look forward to testing them out and letting you know how they work.

Jayde

Happy 4th of July

This year we will be doing the solo barbeque without all the family around and I am actually looking forward to it.  My husband will be at work until 2 so It will be me and the kids home all day and my oldest daughter and I have some cooking to do and a few crafts with the girls.  My husband is getting excited about fireworks and letting the girls holds some sparklers.  I am just hoping no one gets hurt or burned.

Its the small holidays with just our close family that I really love and I am looking forward to a quiet and peaceful day of fun.  I wish your family fun and safety on this 4th of July