Saturday, June 26, 2010

Terrible, Terrible 2's

Things at our house have been kind of interesting lately and its only getting worst.  A new baby is one thing, but a busy 2 year old is another.  She has taken on a new persona since dear "Baby Logan" has come home.  Scream and crying is now her new art form and believe me she has super human lungs that will disturb your nerves in only minutes.  Adding a new person to a family is never easy and adding a new person to a 2 year old life is also full of issues. 

She is a beautiful child who is ready to take on the world or at least take it apart.  L3 has been the baby for 2 years now and she played her part well.  Right now we are dealing with the terrible 2's as well as the need to be the center of attention sprinkled with the desire to be potty trained.  Its a hard cocktail to swallow, but its what is being served at house all day everyday.  I find myself losing patients with her because her Independence is unnerving to say the least during the time of shift to our family. 

L3 can be super helpful and down right dangerous in the same moment.  We decided while I was pregnant that she would never be alone with the baby at any point.  So far she has done minimal damage, but not without trying.  More and more everyday she amazes me with her ability to be the strangest, cutest, and silliest child around.  2 is a hard year for not only the adults but also the other children, she has worn out her sibling as well.  We have all decided that we will give her the chance to turn 3.  Yes she will continue to grow and change and amaze us and surprise us each day, but we hope that she will run out of some of her energy soon before we are all completely exhausted and unable to keep up with her. 

Loving, learning and looking forward to growing with her.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Happy Father's Day

Today is the day we celebrate the men in our lives who have been fathers or father figures to us or our children.  I am celebrating this day with my husband or at least we will later when he is up.  I will of course call my father and grandfather to wish them a wonderful day. 

Father's Day is both happy and sad in our family.  On this day I am reminded of my oldest daughter's father who passed away when she was still very little.  It has been 8 years now and it still makes me cry to know that he is not here to watch her grown and change.  He was a wonderful father and  not only loved our daughter but also loved my )our) son.  He came into my life with 4 children of his own and I came in with one.  It was a very complicated situation for most people but not for us.  We found a way to make it work and all 6* of our children loved our large and unusual family.  My late husband made a point to never make my son feel like he was less then.  My oldest son was only 3 when I got married but since that day he was always Louis's son and no one could deny that.  He still claims him as his first Father to this day.  He loved all of our children and it was a sad day when we lost him.  But we can look back on all the wonderful times that we had together as a family and how amazing he was as a father. 

My son and daughter are both very lucky to have had a wonderful father and to also be blessed with another man who was willing to walk into my life and take on the role of father to two that were not his own.  My current husband is younger than I and had no previous children, but came in with his eyes and heart open.  It has not been an easy road but he has stuck with it and it has paid off.  We now have a total of 6* children and 4 are ours but no one could tell that he has not been here the entire time. 

It is not easy to parent someone else's children and any man who is willing to step in and try to be not just a parent but a true father to your child is a special person.  In my life I have been lucky enough to truly fall in love 2 times and both times those men have chosen to be part of my children's life. 

So on a day like today, I celebrate the men in my family who have made my life so wonderful by being amazing fathers.  To all the fathers past, present, and future.

Note:  If you were keeping count, yes that is a total of 10 children that I have had a hand in raising over the last 16 years they don't all live with me, but they all still call me Mom. (4 step and 6 biological)

Friday, June 18, 2010

The first full week of having all the kids at home was overwhelming to say the very least.  Its not easy to juggle all the ball I had in the air and I have to admit that I am very tired. The baby is doing great he has even gained a few ounces while being at home.  We had two doctors appointments this week and we have a total of 4 next week.  My teen dd went to camp on Friday and will not return until Sunday, its a academic camp and I hope she learns something.  My son found out that college might not be in his future at least not the one he wanted to go to.  I think I can talk him into a local college at least for one year, but he keeps talking about the military.  My husband returned to work and learned that he can sleep while the children are screaming and playing during the day. 

The next few weeks I am sure will give me a chance to get into grove and be able to handle all the kids at one time.  I have to be stronger with the girls and their lack of patience when I am busy with the baby.  I have also learned the best think to do is involve the girls in the diaper changing process as much as I can.  I have also made an effort to give each girl their own time even if just a few minutes of snuggle and kissing to make sure that they know they are still important and still love. 

The only thing I am really having issue with beside the lack of sleep is finding time to do my homework with out 500 interruptions.  I guess I will have to go with my original ideal of only doing homework when someone else is at the house or when all the little kids are sleep.  It means that I get less sleep, didn't think that was possible.  Best strategy so far is to keep a week ahead in my classes so that when I have off days it wont impact my grade.

As of yesterday Logan is one month old and our life is so much different then it was 30 days ago.  I thank God everyday for all the blessing he has given us and for allowing my sweet little boy to come home. 

Jayde

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Night 3 at home and it still feels strange because he is so small. He is already handling his noisey sisters like a little champ sleeping right through the yelling and screaming. Hubby had a hard time leaving him tonight to return to work. Everyday is a blessing and every night is a reminder of how lucky I am.

Jayde

A stressful joy

Logan is home and we are all thrilled that he is happy, healthy and one good looking little guy.  Things at our house have been crazy since the moment we stepped in the house with him.  In the past few nights I have had a limited amount of sleep and that's to be expected.  Our 3 youngest daughters cant seem to get enough of "baby Logan" at some point they will get bored of him but as of now they want to see him all day long.  Its cute, annoying and hard to handle when 3 girls all want to love on him at the same time.  My two teens are a different story, my 15 year old DD thinks he sounds like a cat when he cries and finds the fact that he wears preemie diapers to be really cute.  My 18 year old DS is worried about going off to college and as only spent a small amount of time with his "little bro" but he did note that this is the smallest baby he has ever seen. 

My original plan was to have a nursery ready, and to be totally prepared to welcome him home with a scheduled and organized life.  Not going to happen, I can only hope to be able to remember to feed everyone daily and hope that someone will have pity on me and help with the cleaning.  Best laid plans have gone to the way side and I just think we will have to go on the fly and hope for the best.

In the big picture yes my home is full of chaos, but it was pretty much that way before he was born.  Is it going to be hectic, yep and that is the way I like it.  I know that it might take some time but there will be a routine at some point and it wont be sleepless nights and cranky days forever.  All my kids are home and that is something that brings me a joy that I have never felt.  3 wks and 4 days was a long time to wait for him to come home and now that he is here I will enjoy all the beautiful, crazy, insane, funny, moments that are all part of my family and my family life. 

Jayde

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Cartoon on the Brain

This weekend I spend a lot of time looking at and thinking about older cartoons. No, not the Bugs Bunny or Looney Tunes but ones that were out when my kids were little or when I was in high school. I have a fondness for shows like Tiny Toons, Pinky and the Brain and even Animaniacs. Its strange how those off beat shows really stick with you. My 2 older children have watched them and know most of the characters, but my younger kids have yet to really see them.

I have decided to make it my new mission to expose them to these shows because they were fun. Not like the cartoons of today that have taken insane to a new level. My 15 year old daughter is a Cartoon Network junkie and I admit that I do watch a lot of shows with her. I admit to enjoying a few shows on Disney XD, my favorite right now is Phineas & Ferb; I even have one of their songs on my Ipod. Its not that cartoons aren't funny anymore I just want to see my kids do more laughing when they watch them.

I remember really looking forward to Saturday cartoons, and that is not the case with my kids. Partly because cartoons now come on everyday and most of the cartoons on during the weekend are "educational". Who wants to be educated on a Saturday? So over the next few months I will be ordering various cartoons to add to our DVD library in the hopes that my children will find something to really laugh at. Maybe when its all said and done, I need something to laugh at and having my kids along for the ride will make it even more special.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Looks like Logan is doin much better this week, he is back in an open crib and nursing very well. We are hoping that he will be home in about a week

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Today was the day that I hit the wall, I woke up crying and spent most of the day crying. What could it possibly be that was making me so sad? Well I think it was a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing. I am somewhat of a control freak, but not in a "Type A" way just in an I have to have control so that I know what is going on way. And in the last few weeks I have lost control.


My oldest son is moving on with his life and going to college in a few weeks; my youngest son is in the NICU and cannot control either situation. It felt like I was drowning and that there was no live preserver coming to save me. I spend most of the day in a funk and for some reason could not bring myself to talk to my husband. He of course was under the impression that he had did something wrong. After hours of crying and hiding in my room, I finally decided that my husband deserved to know that I was not mad at him, that I was just mad at the situation.

It’s not been an easy few weeks for us and I guess that I was trying to be strong by no letting my emotions out, by not crying, by not being true to myself. It never works out well when you deny your feelings or when you try not feeling what is going on with your inner self. My emotions are complicated and compounded by so many things going on right now and it just seems that when you have hit the wall it really hurts. I know that I have to look at the bright side of things and remind myself that my oldest son moving on is a good thing and shows that I have somewhat prepared him to go on and live life after high school. My youngest son is in the NICU but he is doing well, he might not be making daily progress but the fact that he is steady and not going backwards is a victory in itself.

My husband held me for a long time this afternoon and I allowed him to do it and that was what we both needed. I have to keep him in the loop and remember that we are in this together and when I need to fall he will be there to catch me and I will do the same for him. We look forward to the next few weeks and the challenges that they will bring and we know that together we can face them together as long as we turn to each other and keep looking at the bright side.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Underpressure

The other evening after a long day of worrying about money and not spending enough time with my children at home or my baby in the hospital I had a mini breakdown. My husband decided the only way to make me feel better was to take me to see our son late one night. This was Thursday and although I thought it was too late it turned out to be one of the best visits we had with Logan.

He was alert and hungry when we got there and it gave me a chance to breast feed him, which he not only latch but he ate like a champ. We did not spend a lot of time there but it was enough for me to get my baby fix, for Logan to have some time with us and more importantly for me to feel like I spend enough time with both sets of kids.

This truly is the most difficult part of all being so far away from Logan and never feeling like I give enough to all of my kids. The guilt is overwhelming and I fear it will not get any better even after he is home. I hope to be able to visit him Saturday, but it all depends on our finances which have taken a beating since all this started.

That is the second worst thing about this entire situation. Having to choose between something for my kids at home or being able to visit my son. I will be glad when all of this is over and I can go back to our normal life, or at least a somewhat normal life.

Friday, June 4, 2010

The ungraduation graduate, graduates

Well it looks like there are miracles in this world still today; I received a call from the school counselor that my son will be able to graduate. He actually did all the work he was supposing to and took advantage of as much extra credit as he could. In the last few weeks of school I saw him doing homework (imagine my surprise). He even reminded his sister to bring her note cards to math class so she could get her full credits. What does this mean to me; well it showed that when my son is under the gun he can do the work. What did my son learn that waiting to the last minute makes more work for you in the long run? Yes, he will walk across the stage this evening and yes I will be super proud. When I wrote my earlier post about him not graduation a large weight was sitting on my chest and I really felt like my kid was the only kid in the world not to put on the cap and gown. I know now that many kids have issues and don't graduate for some reason or the other, and that some have to find their own path to graduation. My son watched several of his friends have to change schools near the end of the year and go to an alternative school because they had no other choice, he also watched a few friends just give up and decide to go another route to graduation. I love that he made the choice to fight for graduation, that he got to go on his grad night trip to Disney Land and that he is looking forward to putting on his gown later today. In a few weeks he is scheduled to leave for college in Fresno and I am excited and scared for him. I see this as a new an important chapter in his life and I also know from our experience this last few months that he has to do things on his own, I cannot force him to do anything. As he goes into each new phase of his life, my role is changing from the hands on parent to the listening and giving advice parent. It’s not an easy transition to make and I admit I had serious guilt about my choices as they days grew closer to graduation. I stuck to my guns and allowed him to grown and learn and it worked out for the best, for him. In the next few hours I will start thinking of the child I walked to preschool, kindergarten and elementary school and the young man who wouldn't allow me to walk him to middle school. It has been a very long, interesting and complicated journey with my son and I look forward to the rest of the journey and all the surprises that it holds for both of us.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Update on Logan 6/3/10

Logan is doing better, he was out of his isolet for a day, but is back in which is OK with me.  He is nippling a lot better and he got his hep B shot today.  He is no longer on the feeding tube and that is an improvement we were waiting on.  Only things being monitored are his heart rate and respiratory.  We take all his progress in stride and know that with the grace of GOD he will be home soon. 

Born the year of the Tiger with a fighting spirit!

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