The other evening after a long day of worrying about money and not spending enough time with my children at home or my baby in the hospital I had a mini breakdown. My husband decided the only way to make me feel better was to take me to see our son late one night. This was Thursday and although I thought it was too late it turned out to be one of the best visits we had with Logan.
He was alert and hungry when we got there and it gave me a chance to breast feed him, which he not only latch but he ate like a champ. We did not spend a lot of time there but it was enough for me to get my baby fix, for Logan to have some time with us and more importantly for me to feel like I spend enough time with both sets of kids.
This truly is the most difficult part of all being so far away from Logan and never feeling like I give enough to all of my kids. The guilt is overwhelming and I fear it will not get any better even after he is home. I hope to be able to visit him Saturday, but it all depends on our finances which have taken a beating since all this started.
That is the second worst thing about this entire situation. Having to choose between something for my kids at home or being able to visit my son. I will be glad when all of this is over and I can go back to our normal life, or at least a somewhat normal life.