Friday, September 17, 2010

Leaving the Sticks

This could be the last weekend that I spend in the state of California and I hope to only come back to visit every so often. Don't get me wrong it’s not that I don't love this place, it’s become very evident that this place does not love me. Two years ago my family and I pack our house in a U-Haul and jumped in our minivan with loads of hope that the place we knew and loved would still be the same, full of opportunity and carefree as ever. It started off good, but ended bad. My husband’s big dream of becoming CHP was impossible to reach due to so many road blocks. My dream of reconnecting with old friends and family came to a halt when I realized too much had changed. My husband came back for family and soon learned sometimes loving your family from a far is better for all.

I was never really able to truly commit to looking for a job let alone taking one because too many kids and not enough babysitting opportunities in our area. In California's defense we did settle in a very small town, with limited resources and I think that is what really did us in. Living in the sticks was the first of many bad decisions that we made while living here. It’s been a long two years filled with doubt and regret and learning that you cannot really go home and even if you do it’s not what you remember.

As we get closer to leaving this place I will miss it believe it or not, in this small town I found a few kindred spirits who made it a little less boring. I loved the fact that there was only one school system and I could walk my kids to and from school every day. I will miss the feel of a small town, but not the drama that can go hand and hand.

We look forward to our future and hope that things work out better for us in Memphis then they did here, we have no illusions and know that times are hard everywhere, but we have hope that we can and will survive. I promised myself that this would be our last big move for a long time and our goal is to give our family the stability and security that so many strive for.

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