I always knew this day would come, but I also thought I would be the one slamming the door. To my surprise and apparently my husbands I am still open to adding to our little group. The question is WHY? My kids drive me crazy on a daily....hourly.......almost constant basis. I have the worst time management skills of all the people with large families that I know (I know about 20). My house is a mess and could never truly be 100% clean (I think it might be a scientific fact). I am right now hiding in a bathroom so as not to be interrupted and I work in a closet just for the quiet. So again I ask WHY do I still feel the need to add more. There is also my age, I am no spring chicken and my prime is now in my rear view mirror. My oldest son will be 20 and by baby is 1 and in between there are so many numbers (yes, I remember how old they all are).
Let me say that I in no way want to be pregnant again, that ship has not only sailed, it was burned and sank to the bottom of the possible idea ocean.
In a word its just a feeling really. I know that somehow, someway I am not finished (when I told my husband he just rolled his eyes). I feel that there is space here for someone else maybe even two. Its a scary feeling, its like asking for a cup of gasoline to add to the flames of an already burning house.
I did toss our the notion of adding to our family via adoption and without missing a beat he let me know that since he had a vasectomy he was officially done and there was no way he wanted anymore. It was a devastating and hard thing to hear, but I guess I just have to keep the faith that either the feelings will subside or a way will be provided.
So he put his foot down and for now I will listen, but if for some reason we get an opportunity to add to our family then I will surely jump at the chance. Here is to HOPE.
