Thursday, August 25, 2011

Please Sir may I have another?

So the hubby and I had a talk in regards to expanding the family this past weekend.  It was more of a causal talk that turned into a true revelation.  Our family will grow no more, entrance is harder then getting a BLACK America Express card. 

I always knew this day would come, but I also thought I would be the one slamming the door.  To my surprise and apparently my husbands I am still open to adding to our little group.  The question is WHY?  My kids drive me crazy on a daily....hourly.......almost constant basis.  I have the worst time management skills of all the people with large families that I know (I know about 20).  My house is a mess and could never truly be 100% clean (I think it might be a scientific fact).  I am right now hiding in a bathroom so as not to be interrupted and I work in a closet just for the quiet.  So again I ask WHY do I still feel the need to add more.  There is also my age, I am no spring chicken and my prime is now in my rear view mirror.  My oldest son will be 20 and by baby is 1 and in between there are so many numbers (yes, I remember how old they all are). 

 Let me say that I in no way want to be pregnant again, that ship has not only sailed, it was burned and sank to the bottom of the possible idea ocean. 

In a word its just a feeling really.  I know that somehow, someway I am not finished (when I told my husband he just rolled his eyes).  I feel that there is space here for someone else maybe even two.  Its a scary feeling, its like asking for a cup of gasoline to add to the flames of an already burning house. 

I did toss our the notion of adding to our family via adoption and without missing a beat he let me know that since he had a vasectomy he was officially done and there was no way he wanted anymore.  It was a devastating and hard thing to hear, but I guess I just have to keep the faith that either the feelings will subside or a way will be provided. 

So he put his foot down and for now I will listen, but if for some reason we get an opportunity to add to our family then I will surely jump at the chance.  Here is to HOPE.

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