I have been wondering how everyone deals with their families and their extended families. I recently had a discussion with a friend in regards to our families to be more specific my in laws. She was curious to know who the relationship went so wrong so fast. I am not sure that I really have an answer for that but I know that it had a lot to do with misunderstanding, misjudgement and just plain old stubborn behavior on both sides.
I was told that if you love a person then you have to deal with their family and you have to love their family as your own no matter what. I don't feel that way, why should I have to sit across the table from someone who I cant stand or who cant stand me. It seems to me that if my husband really loved me he would not force me to spend time with people who have nothing nice to say about me and who have little or no respect for our relationship.
After that talk my husband and I decided that we would not force each other to deal with people who cause stress on our relationship or who we do not feel are good people to be around our children. What we learned from our bad times with his family is that our relationship should come first and that its not fair to force the other person to deal with a bad situation just because they are family.
I do not require my husband to come with me to every family event but he comes because he is OK with my family. Fortunately for me we no longer live close to his family but he assures me that I would not have to attend family functions.
I also learned that I can not fix issues that really don't have anything to do with me and a persons past can dictate their future in some area. So no more bad holiday dinners for me and no more fake family moments just to show how much I love my hubby. I think this might have been the best gift he gave me since the kids. I know it seems harsh, but with all the things that went on I feel that just putting our family immediate family first is the best choice that we could have made, but I am still sad that things went so wrong and I do hope that one day things will get better.
Lets hope that time can heal some wounds.