Please Sir may I have another?

So the hubby and I had a talk in regards to expanding the family this past weekend.  It was more of a causal talk that turned into a true revelation.  Our family will grow no more, entrance is harder then getting a BLACK America Express card. 

I always knew this day would come, but I also thought I would be the one slamming the door.  To my surprise and apparently my husbands I am still open to adding to our little group.  The question is WHY?  My kids drive me crazy on a daily....hourly.......almost constant basis.  I have the worst time management skills of all the people with large families that I know (I know about 20).  My house is a mess and could never truly be 100% clean (I think it might be a scientific fact).  I am right now hiding in a bathroom so as not to be interrupted and I work in a closet just for the quiet.  So again I ask WHY do I still feel the need to add more.  There is also my age, I am no spring chicken and my prime is now in my rear view mirror.  My oldest son will be 20 and by baby is 1 and in between there are so many numbers (yes, I remember how old they all are). 

 Let me say that I in no way want to be pregnant again, that ship has not only sailed, it was burned and sank to the bottom of the possible idea ocean. 

In a word its just a feeling really.  I know that somehow, someway I am not finished (when I told my husband he just rolled his eyes).  I feel that there is space here for someone else maybe even two.  Its a scary feeling, its like asking for a cup of gasoline to add to the flames of an already burning house. 

I did toss our the notion of adding to our family via adoption and without missing a beat he let me know that since he had a vasectomy he was officially done and there was no way he wanted anymore.  It was a devastating and hard thing to hear, but I guess I just have to keep the faith that either the feelings will subside or a way will be provided. 


So he put his foot down and for now I will listen, but if for some reason we get an opportunity to add to our family then I will surely jump at the chance.  Here is to HOPE.

Family Disconnected

I have been wondering how everyone deals with their families and their extended families.  I recently had a discussion with a friend in regards to our families to be more specific my in laws.  She was curious to know who the relationship went so wrong so fast.  I am not sure that I really have an answer for that but I know that it had a lot to do with misunderstanding, misjudgement and just plain old stubborn behavior on both sides. 

I was told that if you love a person then you have to deal with their family and you have to love their family as your own no matter what.  I don't feel that way, why should I have to sit across the table from someone who I cant stand or who cant stand me.  It seems to me that if my husband really loved me he would not force me to spend time with people who have nothing nice to say about me and who have little or no respect for our relationship.

After that talk my husband and I decided that we would not force each other to deal with people who cause stress on our relationship or who we do not feel are good people to be around our children.  What we learned from our bad times with his family is that our relationship should come first and that its not fair to force the other person to deal with a bad situation just because they are family. 

I do not require my husband to come with me to every family event but he comes because he is OK with my family.  Fortunately for me we no longer live close to his family but he assures me that I would not have to attend family functions. 

I also learned that I can not fix issues that really don't have anything to do with me and a persons past can dictate their future in some area.  So no more bad holiday dinners for me and no more fake family moments just to show how much I love my hubby.  I think this might have been the best gift he gave me since the kids.  I know it seems harsh, but with all the things that went on I feel that just putting our family immediate family first is the best choice that we could have made, but I am still sad that things went so wrong and I do hope that one day things will get better. 

Lets hope that time can heal some wounds.

It comes and goes

This is my second week of actually keeping with my Flylady plan.  I have been able to get up and get dressed from head to toe each day.  I have been able to keep the kitchen clean all day, even with the kids home from school.  I did have a very difficult time keeping it clean with the hubby home over the weekend but I got back on track Monday morning.  Its been a nice change of pace and it has actually leaked over into the rest of my life.  My house is a little cleaner now because I decluttered and I have less to do to keep it clean.  I have also enlisted all the children to help in some form or fashion.  I have allowed the den/playroom to be cleaned only 2 times a day because it where the kid play and I don't spend  a lot of time in there. 

I have to admit that I did not think it was gonna work but I have been making a lot of progress and I am actually very proud of myself.  Well on to another week and another task, I am looking forward to seeing what's next.